What does giving birth feel like?

Two weeks from today my Baby Girl will be born via a medically necessary cesarean section, just like my son was on December 21, 2007. As such, I've been reflecting on my first birthing experience, on what giving birth felt like. Here are my thoughts...

For me, giving birth felt surreal.

Most of the feelings I experienced had more to do with awareness, thoughts, and emotions rather than physical sensations. My son’s birth was a planned, medically necessary, cesarean section. Even though my body went through all the aches and pains associated with preparing to labor and give birth, I did not experience labor as such.

I felt out of place in the cold, sterile operating room, where I yielded to the needle of the spinal anesthesia and surrendered the power to birth my son to my doctor and the other medical personnel present. I felt weak, vulnerable, and afraid. I was numb, but I felt pressure and tugging.

I did not feel like an active participant in my son’s birth. I felt passive, like giving birth was something that was being done to me and for me.

I felt estranged from the people around me, including my husband.

After the delivery, my husband showed me my son, we confirmed his name, and then the two of them left for the nursery. My part was over, my usefulness done, and I never felt so alone. My worry over whether or not I was about to undergo an emergency hysterectomy was overshadowed by what felt like my heart breaking. While the doctors closed me up, I felt such a longing to be with my son. I didn’t know it was possible to miss someone so much.

In the end, I was profoundly grateful to the two doctors who delivered my baby boy, and I was thrilled that my uterus was still mine. But I still felt a little hollow…no one seemed to recognize that I was in any way involved with my son's birth.

For those of you who have given birth, what did giving birth feel like to you?

Lenten Update

Remember this?

I'm failing miserably.

Bleh.

The Importance of Communication

So I've been thinking about communication (or a lack thereof) and wondering: Why is communication important?

No doubt there are myriad answers to this question, but today, I will simply share this quote:

I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other, and they don’t communicate with each other because they are separated from each other. ~~ The Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., Cornell College, Oct. 15, 1962

Communication: the antidote to hate and fear.

So what are you waiting for? Communicate already!

Lent: Conversion, Fasting, & Feasting

"Lent is about conversion...Conversion means leaving behind an old way of living and acting in order to embrace new life in Christ."

(Rev. Lawrence E. Mick, "Lenten Customs," AmericanCatholic.org.)

I wonder what this Lenten season will hold for me. There are so many "old ways" I would do well to leave behind that it's overwhelming. I revisited William Arthur Ward's Fasting and Feasting and The Peace Prayer of St. Francis for inspiration, and this is what I've come up with:

This Lent I will fast from anger, complaining, judging others, and pessimism, and I will feast on patience, appreciation, acceptance, and hope.

At least I'm going to try (with the help of God's Grace), so wish me luck. Better yet, say a prayer for me. Cavemama thinks it would be easier to give up chocolate, and I'm 22 1/2 weeks pregnant.

The Red Envelope Project

My family will be participating in The Red Envelope Project as part of our Lenten observance (in an effort to promote social justice) this season.

We are a pro-life family and want to send a message to the President expressing our position on the abortion issue. The idea is simple (see below). My husband and I will definitely each send an envelope, and we're thinking of sending a red envelope for each of the 40 days of Lent.

If you're like-minded, please consider participating as well.

(1) Address a red envelope to the President:

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W.
Washington , D.C. 20500


(2) Write this message on the back of the envelope:

This envelope represents one child who died in abortion. It is empty because that life was unable to offer anything to the world. Responsibility begins with conception.

(3) Put a stamp on the empty red envelope, put the envelope in the mail, and let The Red Envelope Project know how many envelopes you sent (just click on the link).

Calling All Scholarly Mamas!

Remember my pitch for The Scholarly Mamas Society? Well, I have wonderful news! The Scholarly Mamas Society will meet at North Branch Library on the first Tuesday of the month from 10:00 a.m. until noon, beginning March 3, 2009.

For our first meeting, we'll be discussing an article by Dana Gioia-- "Why literature matters: Good books help make a civil society."

Please send me an e-mail with any questions.

The Scholarly Mamas Society

Before marriage and motherhood, my inner circle was academic in nature, populated with all sorts of interesting, scholarly types. I love being a mother, but lately I've been missing my intellectual life an awful lot. So I inquired about a book club meeting at the library, asking whether or not my 13-month-old son would be welcome. The response was positive, as long he didn't disturb anyone.

Well, as the mother of a toddler, I'm always "disturbed," so to speak, and I know that my very active son won't play quietly in a corner whilst I participate in a lively discussion of Gabriel García Márquez's Love in the Time of Cholera. So it occurred to me to seek out other mothers with scholarly interests and form The Scholarly Mamas Society (TSMS). To that end, on Friday afternoon I'll be meeting with a librarian from Denton Public Library's North Branch to discuss TSMS.

If you're a fellow Scholarly Mama, stay tuned for more info, and let me know if you're interested in TSMS!

THE SCHOLARLY MAMAS SOCIETY

Who We Are

We are scholars. We are creators and cultivators. We are thinkers of original thoughts. We are Mothers.

Our Purpose

To provide an opportunity for mothers of children of all ages to meet in a relaxed atmosphere and enjoy a common interest in literature and other forms of culture.

At monthly meetings, members discuss literary and cultural texts of interest while we change diapers, chase after our kiddos, etc.

Our children are always welcome at our gatherings.

My Dream

Today, as America's first African-American President is about to be inaugurated, my heart is full of sadness that our nation's next leader supports abortion.

We're a pro-life family, and right now I am 17 weeks and 3 days pregnant with our second child. I wonder if my baby is a boy or a girl, and I hope to find out a week from today. I wonder who he or she will be. I wonder what hopes and dreams he or she will bring into this world. I wonder, and I weep for all the babies who have been or will be killed through abortion.

I read about a pro-life ad that will air in Chicago during Black Entertainment Television's inauguration coverage. The ad is called "Life: Imagine the Potential," and it "depicts an unborn child who grows up to become President-elect Barack Obama." (You can watch the ad here.)

The article I read also mentioned "a planned protest" where "[p]rotesters plan to hold three large banners stating “President Obama social justice and human rights begin in the womb" and "53,000,000 children have died through abortion...President Obama stop the violence.”

But it's the quote on the third banner that really moved me to write this blog. The third banner bears Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s words, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." That just about says it all...

Dr. King had a dream, and so do I. My dream is for an end to abortion.

Cavemama off to pray for an end to abortion and that our new President will have a change of heart regarding the lives of the unborn.

May justice prevail over the culture of death, and may God bless America!